Steve Irwin would have been proud…
As I slithered into work today, walking through the galleria of the World Financial Center, I noticed a particularly attractive specimen of the elusive species (Confusedes Humanes), or "Woman", in common parlance. This species is the feminine counterpart of Gasseous Emmiteous, or "Man", but has a few paculiar habits. Namely, this species has never been known to excrete bodily digestive gasses (verb: "Fart") in the wild. In fact, domesticated species are rarely observed to partake in this bodily function either. So it was with particular interest that the following occurred:
Walking along to my workplace, this fine specimen, with long flowing red hair, a short tight white dress on and sparkling clean white high heel shoes, was walking 5 feet in front of me and 2 feet to my right. I was observing her, purely for scientific reasons of course, when she turned a slight corner. My estimation is that her foot must have planted in such a way as to trigger her stomach muscles to relax suddenly, and when she did, she let out a perfectly loud and perfectly short fart. It was audible at 10 feet, easily. The young lady didn't break stride at all, but simply looked over her shoulder to her left to see if anyone had observed this particularly rare natural occurrence. She saw me and then turned her head and walked towards the nearest exit. My guess is that her face was probably about as red as her hair at that point.
Frankly, I didn't think this was possible to see in nature. And without film evidence, I fear this sighting will be catalogued with the Yeti (or his North American cousin, the Sasquatch) as a case of "still waiting on more proof". But I tell you, my friends, every word of this is true.